looking through me

One song always evokes the same image in my mind: an old map. The kind with sea monsters lurking off the murky edges of a flat earth.

You call me out upon the waters / The great unknown . . . Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders*

Mysterious creatures hovering along the undefined edge of known reality waiting to swallow whomever dares cross the border of I’ve-got-this and this-is-bigger-than-me.

That’s where I say I’m willing to go.

Really? I, the one with a frustrating fear of heights and a great discomfort on open water, am ready to head into the vastness waiting to engulf me?

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

Fear. I understand fear. But You’ve never failed and You won’t start now . . . that’s true. Because fear has failed me. God has not.

It feels like the opposite. Fear feels like the sure thing. God feels like a risk. But fear doesn’t pan out, it doesn’t go down the way I anticipate—it deceives. God’s great faithfulness never wavers.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters / Your sovereign hand / will be my guide

True.

The sea is dangerous. The waters are deep and perilous. They could overwhelm me.

So I will call upon Your name / And keep my eyes above the waves . . . And my faith will be made stronger / In the presence of my Savior

No map—with or without monsters—will keep me safe or give me the courage to move beyond the shallows. No proper round earth understanding will teach me how to step beyond what my own abilities can support. The One who told the waters how far they could come, and no farther; it is He calling to me and leading deeper than my feet could ever wander.

Let me walk upon the waters / Wherever You would call me

* Hillsong United. (2013). Oceans. On Zion [song lyrics]. Hillsong Australia. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw