looking through me

Tag: self-perception

label vs identity

“How are you?”

It was an honest question, and the one asking wanted an honest answer. I knew the context in which it was being asked, but that context was such a small slice of my day I was afraid my answer would seem cold.

I shrugged and said, “I think I’m a little numb. It’s one more thing.”

Then I outlined the losses and changes and transitions of the last six weeks.

In a month and a half a lot of labels have been ripped off. Some left sticky residue and people will see the mark whether or not they knew me when I wore the labels. Others came off with no external trace. But all were ways I was comfortable describing myself: roles, relationships, titles, responsibilities.

It hurts to rip adhesive off skin. It hurts to change. It hurts to lose people and relationship. Transitions are uncomfortable, and multiple transitions at the same time can be disorienting. The discomfort and disorientation are real. There are emotions upon emotions.

But I’m realizing something greater. I am still me. My identity has not changed. The labels were skin deep—even if I’d worn them for decades—yet my identity is soul deep.

In the tumult of loss and newness, my identity is fixed. It is a constant amongst the variables.

So I shift my focus from the chaos to the Creator. The One in whom I am secure. The One who never looked at the labels anyway because He sees me for who I really am.

It’s still hard to articulate how I am, but it’s clear who I am.

 

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.


Follow on Bloglovin’

dots in the dark

Sometimes I feel like a little dot making my way through vast darkness. One pixel in billions. And all I see is me. As though there’s a tiny glow around my little dot barely cutting into the murkiness.

I roam in self-absorbed darkness. Sometimes I run into things and the impact redirects my path a bit or might even launch me in a new direction. Sometimes I bounce along an obstruction for a long time before I reach open space.

But what if the obstacles are people? What if they aren’t forces working against me but beings moving along their own paths? What if I only see the spectrum of light that illuminates my path, but instead of my little dot moving in darkness my little dot is really moving in a sea of other little dots with their own spectrum of light surrounding them?

If that’s true—and I think it is—then every time my path crosses or bounces off or runs alongside something it might be an opportunity not a hindrance.

What if each encounter was a divine appointment?

I forget my life isn’t all about me. My path is interwoven into lives and journeys all around me. Even when I don’t recognize it, my dot is in play interacting with other dots. And I might be affecting their trajectories, too.

We’re specks in a massive story that dwarfs us all, yet we each matter. Each dot is a full person. The sea of humanity is made up of individual humans. What if I saw the real lives all around me? What if I lived aware the dot next to me has hopes and dreams and fears and feelings just like I do? Or maybe that dot’s having a rough day and could use grace from me when our shoulders rub at work or in the checkout line. Maybe I keep colliding with this dot because I have something to offer or a way to be of service. Or maybe there’s something I need to learn from that individual if I stopped viewing her as a frustrating impediment in my way.

When I look beyond myself it’s much easier to see my fellow dots. It’s much easier to see our colors bleeding together into our shared scene of the story.

 

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.


Follow my blog with Bloglovin