looking through me

Tag: rhythm

mondays

I love Mondays. Or rather, I love the rituals coursing through them.

Mondays are sheet days: as children, we didn’t have to make our beds because Mom washed all the sheets and made all our beds while we were at school. And, though I didn’t really mind making my bed, I knew it was a gift to get that one-day reprieve each and every week.

Those school days are long gone, but on Monday mornings—in my bleary-eyed state—I still leave my bed unmade. A subtle affront to the looming week.

Once home from work, I strip the bed and toss the sheets into the washer. After the dinner dishes are done, I pull hot sheets out of the dryer and delight in slipping into fresh-from-the-dryer pajamas.

Then I turn on music and snap clean sheets through the air, smiling as they parachute down to the mattress. I smooth out the wrinkles, tuck tight corners, fold the top sheet back over the blankets, heave the comforter over it all and plump the pillows.

As I sing along to the music I turn the covers back, so in a few hours I’ll feel like I’m sliding into a hotel bed.

And though the evening is young, I wash my face and choose my clothes and shoes for Tuesday. After every detail has been tended to—all the day’s tasks are completed—I make myself a cup of tea and settle in on the couch for a quiet evening of reading and maybe some writing.

They’re little rituals. But they’re laced with the joy of celebrating small moments and savoring simple pleasures—clean sheets, warm pajamas, carefully curated words to listen to, read and sometimes jot down myself.

Monday’s rhythms help me anchor to my past, relish the present and ease into tomorrow.

 

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sometimes

Sometimes.

Ninety percent of the time I start writing with the word sometimes.

Sometimes I think . . .
Sometimes I wonder . . .
Sometimes . . .

Even as I type it I’m trying to edit it out, but if I don’t start with sometimes, I might not start at all. Because starting is hard. In writing. And in life.

Signing up for the class. Asking for help. Getting out of bed. Making the phone call. Breaking a habit. Making a habit.

Hard, hard, hard. The first step is a doozy.

The first word is no different. So I put on my floaties and wade into the water with the safety of sometimes.

Because rituals help. We need to tap the bat on our cleats before we go up to bat. We need to twirl our pen or rub our necklace. We need to put on the left sock before the right sock or take off our glasses before brushing our teeth. No? Just me?

I need the security of rhythms. I need to find the steady beat and fall in step with it. I need muscle memory to take over because my mind is filled with what ifs. What if I don’t have any words left? What if I can’t finish what I start? What if I’m wrong? What if it’s not perfect? What if I’m not perfect?

Sometimes is how I propel myself from stationary to starting. Sometimes is how I hush the fears and brave the waters.

And once I’m in? I wonder why I was so scared in the first place . . . sometimes.

 

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