looking through me

Tag: lessons

seasons? what seasons?

I’m familiar with distinct seasons . . . as seen in books and movies. But I’ve only lived in places where seasons are tied to levels of dryness and vacation-worthy temperatures.

Here in the land of mild, we had one good, cold week, and it jolted the few deciduous trees into action. Yellow leaves floated down from the sixty-foot tall tree behind my office. The brittle, golden curls skittered across the walkway in the breeze. The morning sunlight set them aglow, and an earthy aroma filled the air as they settled in drifts on the grass between buildings. Yet within a week the tree was awash in new growth. Budding leaves cast a fuzzy, green haze over branches still retaining their last dying leaves. Fall and spring converged in January.

Perhaps this is why my grasp of seasons remains weak. The dying and new birth mingle with no stretch of barrenness between them; the need to wait is obliterated. The lemon trees in the front yard produce fruit year-round. The roses are still blooming when the gardening manuals say to cut them back. October can be hotter than July. June is drearier than January. I look out the window, and the sunny view of the park’s greenery could be May or September, but my calendar says it is February.

Time rises, dances and drops like a kite in the wind. I cannot find the rhythm. There is no steady bass line keeping me in step as the melody cycles from mellow to minimal to sprightly to bold.

And while my body loves the ever-pleasant temperatures, my soul longs for a different pattern. It longs for slower, sparser days to reflect. It longs for new sprouts in unexpected places and the stark contrast of brilliant blessing in a previously gray and brown world. It longs for the chance to linger in the lengthening days and see measurable change. It longs for a concentrated harvest of the lessons sown in bleaker days that have gradually come to fruition. It longs to shed the old and make room for the new.

I long for the hope built into the nature of seasons.

 

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bouldering

I felt the cold, rough granite beneath my bare hands. It soothed the chafed skin even as it further inflamed it.

I clung to the rock. My eyes raced to find the next grip. I was stuck. My legs were fully extended, deadweight. It would require sheer upper body strength to move up from my current position . . . but my strength is in my legs.

I backed down to try it again. Twice I worked myself into a stall. My friends called down encouragement. They told me what I couldn’t see, what paths might be open that I was overlooking. They promised me I could make it.

A third time I stood at the bottom studying the rocks and the chasms. I tossed my pack up to a friend. Now I was committed. I needed to scale the rock on the left, cross over to the piece jutting out from the right—without hitting the rock fifteen inches above it—then shift my weight around the overhang so I could scramble up the face of the rock.

I found a tiny foothold I’d missed earlier and pushed myself up higher with enough leverage to make the cross. I hugged the outcropping; my body suspended over a six foot drop. I swung my legs to the right and inched my upper body after them until I could scamper up the last incline on my toes and fingertips.

Sometimes being 5’1″ is an advantage when bouldering. I can fit in little places. There’s less of me to move. My center of gravity is close to the rocks. But then there are those moments when I can’t reach. The easy jump or stretch is not so easy. There isn’t enough of me to get from point A to point B the way everyone else can.

Like all of life.

My route to the destination may look different from another person’s route. I may need some intermediary points to get me from here to there. I might look at the same obstacle but see a different reality because I’m bringing my context, experience and skills . . . even if we’re standing in the same place, our views are unique.

What I turn sideways and slip through without ducking might seem inaccessible for the person beside me. And then it’s my turn to be the encourager, the one offering another set of eyes and possible avenues forward.

If I’d been alone at Joshua Tree that day, I would have given up after the second attempt. Too short. Too weak. Not going to happen. But I wasn’t alone.

 

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