looking through me

Tag: confession

eye to eye

I wore heels to work today, and the office manager wore flats. Coming around a corner at the same time we ended up nose to nose. She has beautiful eyes, but it caught me off guard to see them so close to mine.

I’m not accustomed to being at eye level with other adults. The viewpoint throws me off.

I see the world a certain way, and I’m prone to forget there are other perspectives. At 5′ 1″ I’m never going to see what my 6′ 5″ uncle sees when he walks in a room. I’m never going to live life as a teen mother or a middle-aged father or an only child. I probably won’t ever experience the view as a matriarch or a painter or an immigrant or a CEO or a lead pastor or a tightrope walker. I can only imagine what a room full of strangers looks like to an extrovert.

That doesn’t negate my view. My view is valuable, but it is limited.

Like everyone else’s.

Sometimes my vantage point doesn’t seem to be factored in . . . but how would anyone else know what I see? How would a mom multiple times over know how a childless woman feels when she holds a baby? How would a social butterfly know what a wallflower notices from the party’s periphery? How would the elders of the church know what Sunday looks like for a single woman in her thirties or a widow in her eighties?

I can put on heels and experience a moderately taller view of the world. It’s harder to put on someone else’s reality and see life from an unfamiliar angle. Yet when I remember no one else has my exact frame of reference, it’s a little bit easier to remember I’m not living their lives and seeing what they see either. Our blind spots overlap.

But maybe we can appreciate those eye-to-eye moments when we hit the corner at the same time and catch a glimpse of life at someone else’s eye level.

 

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

confession

I shifted in my seat and folded my hands to keep my fingers from fidgeting. The tension of waiting gnawed on my nerves.

Suddenly I felt the presence of someone slide into the seat to my right. A soft introduction cued me to begin speaking.

“Well, it’s been seven years—” I tried to sense a reaction before plowing ahead, “—I know I’m way over-due, but, um, I’m here today because . . .”

I spilled my story. I owned my actions and braced for the consequences. I submitted to the prodding—this is what I came for—as I waited for the pronouncement.

After some quiet contemplation, I received the verdict: “No cavities. Your teeth are in really good shape for it being so long since you’ve seen a dentist—hardly any buildup. Now let’s look at that chipped tooth.”

My shoulders slumped in relief. The fix for the tooth and subsequent cleaning flew by. I barely noticed the poking and scraping. I was practically giddy knowing my years of dental inattention didn’t cause any long-term effects.

As I got out of the chair I realized the weight of guilt I’d been carrying as I pretended I had everything under control. I waited seven years. I waited until I was broken.

And I do the same thing with God.

I try to do better on my own. I wait until I’m damaged beyond what I can repair. I squirm in His presence because I know exactly how long it’s been and what I’ve done.

Yet when I confess, He scrubs me clean and smooths the rough edges. He points out the tender places and weak spots we need to keep an eye on together. I have ongoing responsibilities. But He never gives me what I deserve.

Textbook mercy. And I know it.

 

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.