looking through me

Category: Uncategorized

good friday (and saturday)

Good Friday. Not the first one—not for the disciples—nothing good about it.

Had I been with them, how long would I have stayed in the garden before I ran? How far would I have fled? Would I have trembled in the eerie midday darkness and watched my Hope die on that tree? Or would I have cowered far away? Maybe I would have needed to watch. Or maybe I would have needed deniability as I tried to fit the shattered pieces of the past three years into some semblance of sense.

And what about Saturday? Were the eleven back together by then? Mourning? Panicking? Planning? Arguing? Praying? Or maybe they were silent. Stunned. Confused. Angry. Afraid. These were the ones who didn’t have the faith to cast a demon out of a boy or the discipline to stay awake and keep watch with Jesus or . . . or . . . or . . . the list of failures was long. What would that Saturday when their world failed have been like for them?

Today I endure Friday because Sunday’s coming, because I know the end of the story. But they lived through each agonizing minute devoid of Hope. It would have been a brutal test of faith even if they’d understood everything Jesus had told them, so how much worse was it when they didn’t get it?

I can’t begin to experience how the disciples felt that first Friday and Saturday. I can’t fathom their devastation and fear. The one for whom they’d given up everything to follow was dead and buried. Three years, their expectations, their reputations, their futures: gone in less than a day.

So this Saturday I sit in the waiting. Uncomfortable. Antsy. A little less judgmental of the fleet-footed disciples. Because I know and celebrate what they’ll learn tomorrow: the tomb is empty and Hope is alive!

 

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write . . . small

I write small.

I majored in journalism, partly because—though I couldn’t have articulated it then—I love writing the unfolding story. I love the immediacy of telling the story in real time, rarely knowing the ending, while digging into the past to make sense of the present. It’s layered and nuanced. And it’s true . . . or a documentation of the pursuit of truth.

When I didn’t become a journalist, I stopped writing. I lost my story-telling outlet. But ten years later, I went to a writing workshop because the words were piling up inside and needed an escape.

The first assignment was to write a “slice of life” in 350 words or less. I loved the constraint of the word count: it required a narrow focus zoomed in on one moment to tell an entire story. Like a droplet of water on a timeline the story magnified one event to comprehensible proportions.

Long after the workshop ended, I am still examining small slices and writing what I see. I mount each specimen of life and slide it under the lens of my writing microscope. And I record what I see. One magnified cross-section at a time.

The small moments take on new dimensions, greater depth and detail, under magnification. Anything larger than a moment is too big. It needs to be small enough to slip in my pocket and carry with me. I need to roll it around in my fingers and pull it out to see it in different lights, at different times of day, in different contexts. If I can see it with my naked eye, I miss the intricacy close examination reveals.

It’s the accumulation of seemingly insignificant, mundane, often overlooked moments that shape me. I’m not formed by the extraordinary nearly as much as by the ordinary. Those are the moments I need to delve into and learn from; that’s my writing process.

So I write the tiny building blocks of life . . . I write small.

 

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