looking through me

Category: 31 Days: Family

October 23, 2014

Oh, Brothers

I don’t know what triggered it. One minute I was on stage practicing with the praise band and the next minute I was hiding in the choir room hugging my knees to my chest, eyes pressed into kneecaps—sobbing.

I heard the door open and close. I felt arms encircle me.

There were no words. She knew.

The eldest had moved away. The middle wouldn’t be moving back for a couple months. I was brother-less and lost.

Somehow I thought even as the adults we’d become we would land in the same place. I thought enduring the middle’s out-of-state college years was the end. But now—right before his return—the eldest had moved 400 miles away for grad school. And I realized he might not come back. This distance might be the new normal, and I didn’t think I could bear it.

I did. Barely.

We established new routines of visits and phone calls. When he finished grad school and chose to accept a job in his adopted locale, I’d almost become accustomed to the distance. And when I moved out of state, it was the brothers’ turn to visit me.

There was something I didn’t know that night in the choir room. I had no idea how adaptable and flexible and creative the three of us could be. And while I still hope we find a way to narrow the distance at some point, I’ve found the fear of distance to be hollow. I had no idea the elasticity of our bond.

 

This post is part of the 31 Days: Family series. Read the beginning, and see a full index of posts, here.

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October 22, 2014

Grandma’s roots

Going through some papers this summer a picture fell out. The date stamp on the lower right corner says 6 28 ’99. It’s the last picture of my grandma and her next oldest sister Dollie—they’re standing with their cousin Kay.

The picture was taken one year after Grandma and I visited Michigan. We ate and visited in that same kitchen with the bright yellow cupboards and walls and the stove that was rarely used. The good stove was downstairs in the basement.

I met countless relatives—too many now gone. We visited the old farmstead and made our way through chest-high weeds to the chicken coop. From there Grandma pointed out where the house and the barns and the one-room schoolhouse used to stand.

We traveled the narrow country roads to the village her parents retired to and visited the cemetery her sister who died in childhood was buried in, later joined by her parents and eldest brother. We drove to the neighboring town four miles away where Grandma attended high school.

Now I sit at my desk and I look back fifteen plus years. Two thirds of the people and the house are gone. Aunt Dollie within four months of that day; Cousin Kay a few years after that. Grandma celebrated her 90th birthday this year.

I still have Grandma.

 

This post is part of the 31 Days: Family series. Read the beginning, and see a full index of posts, here.

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